Cowboys Cut Jerry Jones

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/dallas_cowboys_release_jerry_jones?utm_source=a-section


IRVING, TEXAS—In an attempt to cut the franchise's losses and "move forward in a positive direction," the Dallas Cowboys severed ties with controversial owner Jerry Jones Monday, ending their tumultuous 20-year relationship with the divisive figure.
According to sources within the Cowboys organization, the decision to release Jones was influenced by the lack of any playoff victories in more than 12 years, the owner's distracting sideline antics, and his selfish, "me first" attitude, which many said was having a cancerous effect on the clubhouse.
"We value Jerry's contributions to the Cowboys over the past two decades, but it has become painfully clear that we just don't share the same priorities," Cowboys public relations director Richard Dalrymple said. "This wasn't an easy choice to make, but we're confident it is a decision that can only make our team better."
"Losing to our NFC East rivals the Giants in our brand-new stadium was really the last straw," added Dalrymple, who said Jones "insisted" that the $1.2 billion facility would solve all of the team's problems. "The Cowboys need to focus on winning, and we can't do that with Jerry's incessant ego-boosting publicity stunts, or this opulent sports venue that's devoted more to himself than achieving postseason success."
Cowboys officials called Jones Sunday night to inform him he was being cut from the team, ordering the 66-year-old owner to clean out his luxury box and remove his personal belongings from the premises immediately. Jones, who was reportedly stunned to be removed from his ownership duties, issued a statement on his website thanking himself for all his hard work and years of service.
"Well, damn, looks like the 'Boys couldn't handle Double J anymore," the blog post read in part. "I'll never forget my time in the Big D, and how I single-handedly won three Super Bowls. Don't worry, Jerry Jones will land on his feet somewhere, and when he does, Dallas better watch out."
Jones' questionable conduct on and off the field almost certainly played a role in sealing the troubled owner's fate. Although some members of the Cowboys' management have reportedly contemplated Jones' termination for the past several years, sources said his recent association with known criminals as well as a perceived lack of character and poor leadership qualities provided ample reasons for his release.
Ultimately, team officials said that Jones had become an embarrassment to the storied franchise.
"Between the opportunistic condemnations of game plans, the uninformed evaluations of draftees, and the paranoid delusions that players and coordinators were scheming against him, it's no wonder the Cowboys have had enough," NFL Today commentator Boomer Esiason said. "Maybe his absence will finally give the team a chance to start living up to its full potential."
"Just watching the Cowboys practice without Jones leering at them, you can tell that morale has already greatly improved," Esiason continued. "They seem so loose and relaxed and their faces are just lighting up with smiles. This is the first time Tony Romo has had fun since he put on the Cowboys uniform."
Former Cowboys head coach and Fox Sports analyst Jimmy Johnson speculated that the team's real motivation for cutting Jones was that the aging owner, who turns 67 in October, is well past his prime and would have continued to cost the ball club too much money.
"His skills have really diminished the past few years, and he just can't make the moves that he used to," said Johnson, adding that the rest of the NFL was passing Jones by every day. "When you get older you start to slow down, and as you try to compensate, you wind up making poor decisions."
"He had to eat more than $9 million dollars of salary cap just to get rid of Terrell Owens," Johnson added. "In this economy? What was he thinking?"
Though his publicist would not say whether the former Cowboys owner was entertaining offers from any other teams, an anonymous NFL source told reporters that, immediately after Jones cleared waivers Tuesday, Oakland Raiders owner Al Davis offered him a record-setting three-year $120 million deal.

Spend, Borrow, Print,... Repeat

From Jim Sinclair at JS Mineset http://jsmineset.com/



Jim Sinclair’s Commentary


Look what I found in my email box this evening. I knew Weiss’s father when we both were at 2 Wall Street. Wasn’t the kid a super deflationist?




Dear JAMES,
The U.S. dollar resumed its swan dive overnight, hitting brand-new, one-year lows.
Meanwhile, gold — the world’s ultimate dollar hedge — surged nicely to within an eyelash of its all-time high.
But it should come as no surprise that global investors are beating the dollar like a red-headed stepchild.
After all — they know that U.S. Treasury Chief Timothy Geithner is going panhandling this week — begging and borrowing every penny he can to fund Washington’s precedent-shattering $1.6 trillion budget deficit.
Today, Geithner will rewrite the history books by dumping an all-time record $43 billion in new U.S. Treasuries on the market in a single day.
PLUS, tomorrow and on Friday, Geithner will return to the trough, borrowing an additional $69 billion to keep the lights on in Washington.
That’s a total of $112 billion in U.S. Treasury borrowing in just three, short days!
This is truly alarming: If you’re like me, you can remember a time not too long ago when U.S. Treasury borrowing was less than $112 billion for an entire year. Now, we’re borrowing that much in less than one week!
I wish that was the worst of it. It isn’t: So far this year, Geithner has borrowed a mind-boggling $1.41 TRILLION to fund Washington’s debt addiction — nearly THREE TIMES MORE than the Treasury had borrowed at this time last year.
And still, this is only the beginning: The Congressional Budget Office (CBO) has warned that Obama’s budget will add nearly $10 trillion in new government debt over the next ten years.
If the CBO is correct, our national debt will soar to well over $21 trillion by 2019. That’s more than double the value of all the goods and services our economy now produces in a whole year!
Meanwhile, over at the Federal Reserve, “Helicopter Ben” Bernanke is printing unbacked paper dollars like there’s no tomorrow.
Yesterday alone, in his ongoing attempt to keep Geithner’s precedent-shattering borrowing spree from sending interest rates into the stratosphere, Bernanke had to print more than $4 billion just to BUY treasuries.
THIS is why the U.S. money supply is skyrocketing! THIS is why sophisticated investors worldwide are recoiling in horror.
Protect yourself now or you’ll be kicking yourself later!
The plain truth is, the value of your money — your buying power and your standard of living are being sacrificed on the altar of Washington’s debt addiction.
But if you make the right moves beginning immediately, you still have time to shore up your financial defenses. You can shield yourself, your family and your savings and investments from disaster as this great dollar decline crushes the value of your money.
More than that: There are many ways to harness this historic convulsion to keep your wealth growing.
That’s why I will be presenting a complimentary online seminar entitled “Washington’s Secret War on the Dollar: Protect Yourself and Profit” — in two weeks; on Tuesday, October 6, 2009.
My mission is clear: To help make sure you have the knowledge and the specific recommendations you need to insulate your wealth and to keep it growing as this great dollar disaster unfolds.
This online briefing is absolutely free for you — part of our ongoing commitment to help you sidestep emerging hazards to your wealth and profit no matter what the economy throws at you next.
I’ll give you the clear, concise, unhedged answers to your most pressing questions about this crisis now.
Right off the bat, I’ll give you my shocking update on this great global war on the value of the dollar …
Weiss Research, Inc. 15430 Endeavour Drive Jupiter, FL 33478

And Then The Fight Started...

1. My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?' I said, 'Dust.' And then the fight started...

2) My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend." And then the fight started....

3) Saturday morning I got up early to go fishing, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and tip-toed into the garage I hooked up the boat to the truck and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."My loving wife of 10 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"
And then the fight started ......



4) I rear-ended a car this morning.
So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got outof his car.You know how sometimes you just get so stressed, and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well couldn't believe it... He was a MIDGET!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!! So I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"
And then the fight started. . . ..


5) My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our up coming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny & sleek that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."
I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started...



6) When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her some place expensive.... so, I took her to a gas station.
And then the fight started...


7) After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.
The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age.
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'
And then the fight started...



8) My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she started drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and she hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started...

9) I took my wife to a restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason, took my order first."I'll have the strip steak, rare, please."He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""Nah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started...



10) A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
And then the fight started.....

Secret Message

After the president has been in office for 6 months it is customary for the last president to send a note of congratulations to the new one. So yesterday when the note came from Bush to Obama, the president was somewhat troubled because it was written in code and all it said was:

370H-SSV-0773H

This troubled him as he had always heard from his peers how former president Bush was perceived to have been scholarly challenged. So he took the note to his wife. She was unable to decipher it. They called in the VP, and he was unable to decode the message. They called in the chief of staff and the head of the Secret Service detail and they were unable to determine the meaning of the note. Next he called in the head of the Senate and Speaker of the House. They both were mystified by the meaning of the coded message.

Now there was complete panic in the oval office. They called all of their contacts in the media and sent copies of the note to all of them, and not one was able to come up with an answer. A special emergency meeting was called by the staff. All branches of the military, counter intelligence, CIA, FBI were called in, and the best minds were unable crack the code. After a sleepless night, a now humbled President Obama picked up the phone and called the former president, and asked him the meaning of the note.


Bush chuckled and replied: "You're holding the note upside down!"

A Birthday without a Hurricane

Birthday without a hurricane is quite alright with me. My lovely wife got me some Jimmy Buffett concert DVD's and a DVD player/speaker system. Thanks dear.

Now I am ready to go to Anguilla!!